Native American chronicles heart-wrenching tale of grief, resilience

Zachary Blackowl shared a Native American man’s story of dealing with grief and loss to other Native Americans on Tuesday.

Blackowl was one of the speakers at the Oklahoma Tribal Nations 988 Mental Health Lifeline Summit at the Apache Casino Hotel Event Center.

He told of a young man focused on his career and travel. That man found his “best friend and role model,” his “everything,” in his mother.

“Then,” he said, “the unthinkable happens.”

A diagnosis for the mother for stage 4 colorectal cancer led to a rough road. Then she got COVID-19 and had to be hospitalized. After a short phone call between the two, he said, a phone call from the hospital began two journeys.

“She was making her journey to the spirit world,” he said.

The man’s journey would lead to depression from an inarticulable grief. Blackowl said the man tried returning to his old life of travel and friends. Activities he once loved were another attempted salve. Even the addition of a 6-month-old Great Pyrenees puppy named Roscoe to his family couldn’t break through the numbness.

“But nothing seemed to work,” he said.

On July 3, 2022, the mother’s birthday, emotions and grief overwhelmed the man, Blackowl said. He sat in a room, alone save for Roscoe, for 24 hours.

“He prayed and prayed to God for help for days,” he said.

A television commercial for a mental health lifeline led to a fortuitous call, according to Blackowl.

“He saw the three numbers,” he said, “988.”

After speaking with a mental health professional for a half-hour, Blackowl said, the man was “finally ready to ask for help.”

“He acknowledged his grief and questioned his existence and wanted to be with his mom,” he said.

From that phone call, Blackowl spoke of the man’s journey to understanding his grief and loss and finding solace in therapy. He called it an ongoing process.

Blackowl said he understands this story. It’s his autobiography.

“The young man in this story is me,” he said.

If he hadn’t called 988, Blackowl said, he wouldn’t be here today. From it, he is working with tribal mental health. He’s connected to his late-mother by filling a role in the program his mother once had.

It began with a phone call and acknowledging that help was needed, Blackowl said.

“988 is there for me,” he said, “988 was there for me.”

At the end of his testimonial, Blackowl reminded the hundreds filling the Event Center for the Oklahoma Tribal Nations Mental Health Lifeline Summit of three phrases that he calls truths.

“You matter, there’s hope,” he said, “and we’re here to help.”

Wellness educator Kasey Nicholson, A’aa’nii’nin (White Clay Nation), said it was healing to hear Blackowl’s words.

“There are warriors out there fighting the good fight,” he said. “Others are out there fighting to make it through the day.”

For Nicholson, his Master’s Degree in mental health has led to a comedy career that works with it hand-in-hand.

“Through comedy, there’s healing there,” he said. “It adds to the arsenal to be able to share that good medicine.”

Nicholson asked those in the audience to stand with him and stretch their arms and legs and wiggle their fingers and toes before taking the morning’s break. He again reminded them of the mantra that serves as medicine.

“You matter,” he said. “There is hope.”

“We’re here to help.”