A year in review

Today is my 44th birthday. Unlike most people, I embrace my age. I love getting older. I love the wisdom, miles, and lessons learned that come with each passing year. Life is rarely kind, easy, or even fair. Rather, life is what you make of it.

For years, I have understood that life is what you make of it. You choose to be happy, like your job, and to be content. I choose to be happy, content and proud of how far I have made it, and to love where I am. I know the journey to our end point is the true point of life, not the achievement of goals. You see, we learn and experience more along the way than when we achieve our goals. But these are lessons I learned before this past year. These lessons have guided me along my way and opened my eyes for new lessons.

This year has been a pivotal year for me. It is the year I have set boundaries, taken the first steps towards learning who I am, removed myself from social media, ended unhealthy relationships, learned about fear and how it is related to guilt, and experienced first hand how changing our mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance can shift your entire paradigm.

Boundaries are something that don’t come natural to me. I grew up in a family where I was not allowed to set my own boundaries or where privacy was respected. Rather I was told my feelings were too much, shamed, and forced to live my life in the open. Because of this, I entered adulthood without any boundaries. In my 20s and 30s I repeatedly tried to set boundaries, yet every time I did, I was told I was wrong and they were ripped down. I eventually quit trying. Why fight when you know you will lose? Yet something shifted in me when I turned 42. I knew at that moment I was my own person, I was in control of my life. And in that moment I knew it was time to set boundaries.

Setting boundaries was exhilarating. I both loved and hated it. I was continuously doubting myself, found myself struggling more than normal in situations, and more than once caved. But I knew this about myself. I am filled with dogged determination. Each time I fall, I am capable of picking myself up. And so I did. I set boundaries. I learned how to enforce them. I assessed every relationship I had, ending the ones who continuously pushed my boundaries. At times I felt more lonely than I ever had. But I learned to sit in my feelings, experience them and work through them. I stood strong, and in working through my boundaries, I found peace.

In the past few weeks, as I have been reflecting on my year, I have realized I still lived with fear. Fear is like forgiveness. You must forgive in order to truly cut ties with a person, to fully heal. Similarly you must overcome your fear of situations and people to move on. I am still living with fear. Yet because I am aware of it, I am choosing to confront it and move past it. I will no longer allow fear to rule my life.

Leaving social media was by far one of the best decisions I have ever made. I don’t miss it. I am no longer tempted to compare myself to others, find fault in myself, beat myself up for shortcomings I am working on, or find myself continuously wanting to shop. I fill my time with games and books. Sometimes I craft or cook. I even work out more now than I did before. The point is, I am filling that time with positive activities and have not missed a moment of swiping.

But the most powerful lesson I have learned is the power of words. I am still haunted more than a year later by harsh words said to me. I will never allow myself to forget the pain and harm those words caused me. By holding tight to the lesson, not the pain, I remind myself daily to be cautious of what I say and to not react. It is better to be silent than to say hurtful words. In this frame of mind, I have worked hard to change what I say daily. I have reframed phrases to be positive reminders not scoldings when I talk to my dogs. This simple shift has impacted all of us. My dogs bark less, are happier, and respond more quickly to what I say. I am calmer, more focused, and overall more at peace throughout my days. As challenges arise, I am confident I will find a positive solution. Life no longer trips me.

And lastly, I have learned to find beauty in the mundane and routines. I am actively romanticizing my life. My life is not perfect, rather I choose to focus on how far I have come and the beauty of life than how far I have to go. This subtle mindshift, like changing what I say to my dogs, has increased my vibrations drastically. Life is easier, calmer, and I am more than happy in the moments and life I am building.

I know this next year will be filled with even more beauty and growth. I am excited for what it will bring.

Sara Orellana is a former Lawton resident who lives in Oklahoma City.