Gearing up for the holidays

It’s that time of the year, time to start planning for the holidays. For us, it’s a particularly busy time of year. Not only do we have the holidays, but both my daughter and I celebrate our birthdays during this season.

Over the years, I have tried a variety of ways to manage this time of the year. None are stress free and all have their downfalls. This past year, B and I made it a point to have quiet, small celebrations. And if I am 100% honest with you, last year’s holidays and birthdays were some of the best we have had. The simplicity of the celebrations and the fact that we were able to celebrate the way we wanted to was so freeing. Memories were made and laughter shared.

We have already started talking about the holidays and how we want to celebrate. These will be the last holidays I share with B before she heads off to college. As excited as I am for her next steps and to watch her become the amazing person I know she will become, I find the idea that these are her last holidays as a child to be sad. I am determined to make the holidays as special as I can. And so, I have asked B how she wants to celebrate, who she wants to spend time with and give her space to spend time with her friends.

As excited as I am for the holidays, I am equally as excited for the simplicity of the plans we are making. I have learned the hard way that no matter how hard you try, you can never make everyone happy. This is a lesson I have been working very hard to learn this year. As a recovering people pleaser, I used to take full responsibility for everyone’s happiness. I would work tirelessly to make the holidays special for everyone else. And in the process lost myself, lost sight of what I wanted, and would end the day so exhausted I was in tears. Last year was the first holiday season I truly enjoyed.

Understanding you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own, not your child’s, spouse’s, significant other’s, or any other person or member of your family, is the first step in gearing up for the holiday season. Once you understand that, you can start to make plans that are complementary to what you want and what your family wants. Your family unit, your children and significant other are the family to focus on, not extended your family. Choose how you would like to celebrate the holiday, what is important to you and your family. Then make plans accordingly. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and say no.

As important as family traditions are, if the traditions cause stress, it’s time to start questioning the value of the tradition. Yes, everything in life causes stress, the difference is there is good stress and bad stress. Things that cause bad stress are things that you can choose to not participate in with no guilt or fear of consequences. Those who truly love you should respect your decisions, even when they don’t understand them.

This holiday season make yourself and your immediate family your priority. Find ways to celebrate that are simple, stress free, and will bring you joy. Make the active decision to stop pleasing others at the cost of your mental and emotional health.

Sara Orellana is a former Lawton resident who lives in Oklahoma City.