What I don’t want for Christmas

Doesn’t it make you happy when you see things you don’t want for Christmas?

I don’t want, for example, a 42-inch measuring tape that comes out of a green frog’s mouth. I don’t want a holder for my iPhone that is a miniature plastic egg or a plastic owl holder for my glasses or a screwdriver on a key ring or a tent that looks like a ‘65 VW bus.

I love gardens — but I don’t want luminous dragonflies that glow in a rainbow of seven shifting colors or a 40-inch decorative lacework spade or a ceramic cat. And I really don’t want a watering can that looks like a mouse.

I don’t want an upside down beer glass that keeps my brew perfectly chilled.

I don’t want cubic zirconium earrings with LED lights that flicker and flash the colors of the rainbow or a realistic-looking animated parakeet that cheerfully chirps, sings and moves every time I walk by. And I especially don’t want a black and white decorative pillow for $595 or purple wine-dyed python boots with a 4-¼ inch heel that cost $3,300 or an exercise machine that costs $11,000 or Indian Larry’s “Wild Child” motorcycle for $750,000. I feel a little embarrassed just looking at the pictures.

I’m looking at all the things I don’t want in some of the five or six catalogs I have been getting each day since before Halloween.

Actually, I have seen a few items that would be handy — like a swiveling electrical outlet — but just not for Christmas. That would be about as unjoyful as getting an ironing board.

Here’s what I do want for Christmas.

I want all of my family here together. I want us to cook and eat and make happy toasts together, to play games, to laugh, to talk, to share memories.

I want our nation to come together — to cooperate, to compromise, to help the 37.9 million people living in poverty in the U.S., according to the Census Bureau, to feed the hungry, to house the homeless, to find jobs for the jobless, medical care for the sick, hope for the discouraged. I want our nation to work together to find solutions. I want those who have plenty to look around and really see those who don’t and to ask, “Why?” and to care “why” and then to do something about it.

I want our government to be benevolent instead of mean-spirited; to be helpful instead of obstructive. I want to see more of Uncle Sam and less of Scrooge. I want to see our leaders smile more, snipe less.

What I want for Christmas is what we all want for Christmas — peace on earth, peace in our country, peace in our neighborhood, peace in our own homes along with its traditional companion, goodwill. Goodwill to men — and to women — and to all the children everywhere.

Mary McClure is a former newspaper editor who writes a weekly column for The Lawton Constitution.