Reflections on school

As I look back on the passing of time, it’s incredible to realize that 25 years have passed since my high school graduation, 21 years since earning my college degree, and 15 and 13 years since completing my graduate studies. Throughout this span of years, I have had the privilege of witnessing my daughter embark on her own unique journey of growth and education. Over the past two years, during a period when my child has not been in school, I have dedicated significant time to reflecting on both their educational journey and my own.

The skills our children learn in school are vital to their success; learning to manage stress, multiple projects, different communication styles, and peers. Perhaps the most important skills for a child to learn are how to research, and knowing how and where to find information.

However, there are a lot of things that we as parents place an incredible amount of importance on, that are not make or break moments. AP classes were newish when I was in high school. My parents were determined I was going to college and would take every college prep or AP class that I could. I did and made good grades. But by the time I got to college I was so tired of the long hours, long days and pressure of test scores. I checked out my freshman year, and only by the grace of God did I graduate in 4 years.

I knew I didn’t want B to have a similar experience. I wanted her to have a childhood and teenage years. I wanted her high school experience to be as positive as it could be. In all reality the peer pressure, mean girls and bullying is 100 times worse than when I was in school, and while it’s important to have good high school memories, high school will never be the best time of your life. But I wanted her to have friends, to work, make her own decisions, and have freedom.

B took the AP classes, but we never stressed over them. While her peers were in prep classes for the ACTs and SATs, we were making memories, eating pizza, and laughing. B missed school to take a cruise to Mexico where she climbed her first pyramids and ate fresh tortillas. We stayed up late to watch movies and listen to albums when they dropped. She worked in her dream field, doing such a good job she was promoted several times. And she made lifelong friends.

Looking back, I regret the moments I didn’t listen to my gut. The times I knew taking summer school classes to get ahead was not a good idea. Or that 5 AP classes were 4 too many. I don’t regret the summers when she slept until 10 on her days off or late night trips for ice cream. We made it through her junior year and the pandemic. But looking back, I know that if I had listened to my gut, things would have been better.

B is taking her time to discover who she is and what she wants to be. In the past two years she has found a new career, and through hard work and tenacity, become certified, obtained her goal, and set new goals. She is kind, thoughtful, and has better emotional intelligence than most adults. We may not have always done what was expected or what other parents have done, but we did what was right for B and us.

My advice is to take a step back and assess what are the truly important things for you and your child. Don’t allow people to influence you or make decisions for you. As the parent of your child, you know what is best for them. Listen to your gut and stand your ground. I promise you won’t regret it.

Sara Orellana lives in Oklahoma City and writes a weekly column for The Lawton Constitution.